Adulting blues part 2- the hurricane

-
You know that ticking bomb I talked about?

Well it blew up on Monday.

There was some miscommunication (always) and next thing I know, I'm crying and screaming. And I know this fight is my fault and it's over nothing.

Even when I know it's coming, I just can't seem to stop it. 

It's like the forecast is saying there's going to be a hurricane and all I can do is take shelter and wait for it to pass.

Only this hurricane wrecks my heart, body and soul.

Then I'm left with picking up the pieces and I have to just keep going on with my life.

And hope that there'll be sun coming soon after.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My "funks" or "depression" or... whatever you want to call it

-
I've been somewhat vague in my posts when I mention how I've been "struggling" with things . Now that I'm doing a lot better I feel like I'm ready to talk about what I meant by that. The past year I started having these mood swings. I think most people would generally agree that I'm a really happy person but looking back, even the ups felt out of my control. Like, I'd just get so excited I could hardly contain myself. Or I'd have to mentally remind myself multiple times to calm down and let it go. Like I couldn't stop myself from thinking about things that got me excited. Which doesn't sound like too big of a problem, I mean, as long as you're happy right? But it'd last for something like 3 days, where I'm just constantly running my mind over the same subject and even though I'd feel exhausted... I just couldn't stop thinking about it.  And usually after that would come the crash.  During these downs I'd ...
Read more

The fourth trimester

-
Image
This coming Monday is the 12-week mark of my new baby son, Kai! They call the first 12 weeks the 4th trimester because it’s the transition period for the baby to adjust to being outside the mom’s womb as well as the recovery and adjustment as a mom of a new baby.  We’ve been really blessed during these COVID times as Brian and I have been working from home since mid-March and are getting so much extra bonding time as a family. It's been interesting because having a baby is a big life change in and of itself however, nowadays life seems different for everyone.  Overall, Brian and I are enjoying being new parents and we’re really lucky because Kai is as well behaved as a baby could be. He sleeps at night, rarely fusses and is easily content. I can also see in ways how Brian and I have both grown as individuals and in our relationship so I feel truly blessed.  So I wanted to share my birth story and postpartum depression/anxiety experience (which I’ve been told every mom goe...
Read more

At the beginning- what I consider the starting point to finding my peace of mind

-
"I would have never guessed you had anxiety issues"  I didn't think I had anxiety issues either. But then I'd have these moments where I felt so overwhelmed, I had to stop what I was doing because my chest tightened, I felt dizzy, and just really wanted to run home and cry in my bed. It'd be over something small and simple too like designing my experiments or learning about a new experimental protocol. Pretty routine stuff for a graduate student in a research lab. I'd leave to take a break and after a half hour, I'd be fine. Sometimes. There was also the obsessing. Over really small things, like I forgot to make some point on a presentation, or... honestly I can't even remember anymore that's how dumb they were. And I always knew that it was a waste of time and that I was getting worked up over nothing... but the over thinking would still last for at least a day. I think we all do this to a certain extent, but for me it got to the point wh...
Read more