Confessions of a happy person

In about two months, it'll be a year since I started this blog. I've mentioned a lot of reasons why I started it, including grad school anxiety and to help myself sort out all the thoughts in my head, but this story is probably the main event that led to the creation of this blog. It started with a video that I posted and then after I wanted to share more of my experiences/thoughts...  I've been meaning to write about this but was still waiting for when I felt ready to share it, so here goes: --------------------------------- About a year ago, I met this guy. I don't need to tell you the details or how it ended because that's not the point. It was more of the aftermath that made me start to worry about my mental health. I was hurt at first, but bounced back quickly enough. A month goes by and I'm doing pretty well, never planning on seeing/speaking to him ever again. I can't say exactly what triggered the downward spiral but I blame this random t...

The other day I read the letter the Stanford victim wrote to her attacker.  Before I go into my thoughts, I want to make one thing very clear: I think there is absolutely no excuse for Brock Turner's behavior. With that being said, I couldn't help but think that part of the problem with rape culture is the ambiguity in dating culture. Where people (both men and women) are not upfront with their intentions and play games. In the letter, she wrote, "The night after it happened, he said he thought I liked it because I rubbed his back. A back rub." While her intentions were to show how ridiculous it was that he thought a back rub would be a form of consent, I've actually heard very similar things from conversations that I've had with multiple people. If you know me, I'm very straight-forward because I just don't like to assume. Which also means I miss the small cues and meanings that people send (or perhaps I'm just totally oblivious). So I...

I was always the type of person to fall too soon too fast. So I could never understand how people could enjoy spending time with a person, like them, be attracted, and care about them but not be sure about anything more than friends. But for the last few months it made a lot more sense to me...  And it's kind of nice because I know I won't get hurt Except I also know that you don't fall in love this way.

You're (only kind of) funny (Somewhat) charming And (not that) smooth (No offense but it's only because) I'm interested in you (Or I'm just trying to be nice)

A few days ago I realized that I forgot the most important part of dealing with getting hurt . It's something that I didn't realize I was struggling with all summer. I had come to terms with the fact that: Yes, there are worse things than being single for the rest of my life (p.s. a lot of people seem horrified that I would think that would happen but trust me, it's one of the most freeing/best ideas I've ever had my entire life and requires it's own blog entry)  Yes, he probably didn't want to hurt me. Yes, life happens the way it's supposed to .  But I left out what I think hurts the most. Yes, I am lovable. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't know that I have people who love and care about me because I do know that. However, I still say I was struggling because I was constantly justifying to myself that I was even like-able...  but you know, I just preferred being single (to be honest though, I do love how uncomplicated my...

I think playing "The Game" is a lot like playing BlackJack. When we win, it doesn't really matter whether we followed "the rules" or not.  But when we lose, it's either because we didn't play correctly  Or it's so we can tell ourselves, "well at least I followed the rules." 

I don't know if there was just something about this past summer in particular, or maybe because it's the first summer I've been single in a really long time and so I've been talking to my other single girl-friends a lot more... but basically I've been having very similar conversations with multiple people even though their details were different. So here's my two cents on the craziness that is dating and hopefully it helps to know that we're not the only ones who are super confused because no, you're not crazy or stupid. ---------------------------------- When we get involved with someone and then things don't work out, feeling rejected is kind of a mind f*ck.  Especially when we just know that we felt something. Maybe we shouldn't have made assumptions but seriously though, we all have better things to do than to hang around if they didn't act like they cared.  It feels like being lied to but not being able to prove it. Excep...

I don't blame you for what happened. Maybe you didn't mean to and I probably should've known better. But you can't expect for me to have not been hurt. Just like I can't expect for you to have truly cared about me.