Confessions of a happy person

It's been two weeks since I officially left my old lab and one week since I've been in Washington. In two more weeks I'll be starting my new post-doctoral position (meaning more research). People have been asking me if I'm excited about graduating and starting my new job.... I think I'm mostly just focusing on relaxing and recover from feeling burnt out as much as I can. No one can ever truly warn you about what adult-hood or graduate school is like, so I think these feelings are just a part of that. I can't really explain what it is I'm feeling, it's just that when I'm done with one thing, I'm on to the next thing on my never-ending checklist called life. I take breaks/vacations and I try to enjoy and stay in the moments, but you just know in the back of your mind that you have something big coming up soon that you have to plan for (new job, getting married, kids, etc). Even during this month off, I have to write a small proposal for w

You know that ticking bomb I talked about? Well it blew up on Monday. There was some miscommunication (always) and next thing I know, I'm crying and screaming. And I know this fight is my fault and it's over nothing. Even when I know it's coming, I just can't seem to stop it.  It's like the forecast is saying there's going to be a hurricane and all I can do is take shelter and wait for it to pass. Only this hurricane wrecks my heart, body and soul. Then I'm left with picking up the pieces and I have to just keep going on with my life. And hope that there'll be sun coming soon after.

I've been feeling extra irritable as of late. Between trying to graduate by the end of May, looking for a job, planning the wedding, getting ready to move to Seattle AND looking to buy a house... I know these are all great things and for the most part I am really happy and excited. But it is A LOT of change. And I don't necessary  feel stressed but it always ends up manifesting itself when I'm not expecting it and then I'm wondering why I'm so upset over nothing. So lately, the evil twin has been irritable at the fiance. He's familiar with my tendencies (not that it makes it any easier) and I've been good enough to catch myself and apologize before I go down that spiral...  But I don't feel any better and it feels like it's just a bomb that's waiting to go off. Usually when I'm tired and can't keep it in check. I don't know which is worse, feeling mad or sad all the time ---- UPDATE: Of course, not long after I

Education/career ✅ Graduate high school ✅  Graduate college Choose one or combination: ✅ Spend years w ondering what to do with your life ✅ Question w hy am I putting myself through this much stress ✅ T his is not how I imagined my career to be Graduate school ✅  Find a lab to join ✅  Pass preliminary exam ✅  Graduate school slump/depression/anxiety ✅  Pass advancement  ✅  Defend thesis Planning a wedding ✅ Make guest list ✅  Book venue/ceremony sites ✅  Pick bridal party ✅  Choose a theme ✅  Meltdown/panic attack ✅  Pick wedding colors Settling down ✅  Go on first date ✅  Become exclusive (boyfriend/girlfriend) ✅  Show them how crazy you are Next, only pick one ✅  Scare them away ✅  Get engaged/married

Got a new GoPro for Black Friday and made a video of my trips with Brian and his family in the last month of 2017. Here's to a new year and more moments of just living in the present!