Confessions of a happy person

I still feel guilt over this blog My life is pretty good, how is it that I can still be miserable sometimes Or who am I to think I know any better about how to live life I just want to say that I get it And that depression is the evil twin that knows exactly where your weaknesses are and what to say to inflict the most pain Because it isn't the real you That the more your evil twin isolates you, the more he/she can make you believe their lies That there's nothing harder than fighting your own self Forget war enemies, this enemy is so powerful, it can convince you that you're better off ending your own life ..... I was in a bad mood for almost two weeks after the election All I want to say about it is I think it's healthy to feel things. And that everyone has different ways of dealing with it and doing what they think is best. This is part of being human. ..... I still think about this blog every day I just don't have this NEED to post any...

I haven't given up on this blog! So I wanted to share this sermon series about emotional health. I think this series is really great and thought-provoking whether you are Christian or not.  http://www.gospellifemissionchurch.com/the-emotionally-healthy-christian I do want to point out though that I don't necessarily identify myself as Christian. I don't take the Bible literally but I believe in the metaphors because I don't think the details are really that important. I do try to go to church whenever I have time and I'll listen to the sermons online.  For those of you who aren't Christian and might have a hard time listening to something you don't necessarily believe in, here's a few pointers in the way I look at the messages: I believe that God is an accumulation of ALL things in the universe. I see God not as "someone in charge" but more like the natural forces/physics laws in which the way things happen (like in evolution)....

When I get a text/call from my boss and I automatically assume I'm in trouble. When I'm feeling super motivated to work but as soon as I get data I don't like, it's game over. When I need him to tell me I'm the prettiest/smartest/funniest girl he's ever liked.  When I already packed lunch but I'm feeling soo lazy I'd rather just buy.  When I weigh myself and think the scale must be broken. 

I have this evil twin.  She tells me things like, People are only nice to you because you're "pretty"... They don't really understand you... He's not going to care about you in the future... And she tells me that I need to protect myself. That you can't trust them because they're only going to hurt you.... Except being alone hurts too.

Year 1-2 YAY SCIENCE! Year 2-3 I suck at science Year 3-4 Science is sifting through the crap that is my data and trying to find something useful and that makes sense Beginning of Year 4- I've gotten a lot more science done than I thought To be continued...

I know it's hard to stay motivated That it feels hopeless and that there's no point in trying But you have to  start small to dream big And if only you could see what I see   You'd believe in you too. 

Sometimes I feel more comfortable being myself around strangers because if they judge me it's not like I'll ever see them again I think wisdom is looking back and realizing that you didn't know as much as you thought you did I usually have a lot more questions than answers I know life could be worse. That's what scares me. If I think life is hard now, how am I going to handle things like raising kids or my parents getting older...  I adore "weird" people The longer I do science the more I'm turning into a stereotypical scientist I like playing candy crush and doing puzzles because it empties out my mind Imagine failing at life about 80% of the time. It's called grad school.  I'm one of those kids that Michelle Obama was talking about in her speech- the ones who grew up with privilege I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to be president