Six month post

-
It's been almost six months since I started this blog!

I originally started this blog because I felt that there was a lot going on my head that I needed to express. But I didn't necessarily feel like talking to people about it either.

I also realized that a lot of people I knew were struggling with their own issues but even though these people were some of my really good friends, and we both knew that the other was struggling, we still rarely ever talked about them. We'd mention stuff but never really go into the details. Or it'd be like, "well this thing kind of sucks but I'm dealing with it..."

It's like that one time in 8th grade where I had a crush on this guy in my class, and he had a crush on me, and we both knew we liked each other (practically everyone knew) and even though we talked on instant messenger every day... we never actually talked about how we liked each other.

I don't know if it's a good thing or not that we have trouble talking about these things... but it's not something I'm going to discuss about today.

But there was another reason that I started this blog which I didn't realize.

I started this blog because I was struggling with accepting myself.

I was struggling with accepting how I felt about certain things, accepting the kind of thoughts I was having, and the kind of person that I am. I just had so much I wanted to say. Looking back, I feel like I was trying to justify everything to myself. Like, "look at all these people that understand." That it was OK to not be OK. 

But this past month I've been doing a lot better... and I find that I'm not in my head as much anymore. And I'm starting to wonder if all the the world's great historical thinkers were just depressed.

So even though I don't have the same motivation that was driving all those posts, I still plan to continue blogging. I'm just going to have to redefine the purpose and meaning of this blog for myself.

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 18, 2016 at 1:48 AM

    Honyin, my sporadic insomnia led me to your blog, and I'll add that we've met a dozen or so times. You'd probably recognize me after a second or two if we were standing in a room together. I'd say there's a 0% chance you'll know who I am behind an anonymous comment, though.

    The insomnia put me on Facebook, which then led to random searching, and then I somehow wound up seeing that you have a blog. I've read a few posts, and they're all interesting. We're acquaintances more than anything else, for the record.

    I'd say the key to being happy is staying as far out of your own head as possible. Love yourself for who you are, and accept the flaws. Give yourself some inflection every once in awhile to make sure that you still recognize yourself and your mind. I, too, find that digging around in your own mind tends to cause more problems than good because you wind up second-guessing every detail, or you find things to see fault in that aren't really there.

    I don't think I have much other of a point with this comment, though, to be honest. The insomnia is keeping me awake, and saying whatever comes to mind in this comment helps exert energy.

    Or maybe it helps me keep myself out of my own head, who knows?

    If you're going to change the purpose of your blog, then make it whatever you want to. You have more guts than me - I've always wanted to blog about myself. I don't have the courage to do that, and I think I've even lost the ability to have private conversations about my inner thoughts with other people. I guess part of that is life keeping me busy, too.

    Make your blog whatever you want it to be, even if you write things for yourself that nobody else will understand. It's yours after all!

    And, if you need a boost of self-confidence or a simple reason to smile, I think I can provide that (or sound like a creep trying).

    I have a really good memory of experiences I have with people from close friends to people I meet once.

    I'm 99% sure I remember the first time we met, and it was under pretty mundane circumstances. We literally said "hi" and "nice to meet you" to each other. It was such a quick and abrupt moment that I had no time to form an opinion on you in any shape or form.

    Then I remember the "closest" experience we ever had together, with actual conversation and whatnot. I learned that morning that we have at least one thing in common, which I won't spoil here because I think it gives me away if you have a good memory.

    And then tonight/this morning I've come across this blog and discovered that we have similar worries about life. Well, I'd say everyone has similar worries, but most of us aren't willing to admit it to others.

    I completely forgot what the point of this comment was. I think I just like hearing myself type out thoughts. Disclaimer: If the insomnia, anonymity, and novel-length comment makes me sound like a creep, I apologize.

    I'll just cut things off with one last point.

    The last time I saw you in person definitely made me want to spend more time with you and get to know you better. I promise I mean that in the least (LEAST!) creepy or weird way possible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Confessions of a Happy PersonFebruary 18, 2016 at 8:54 AM

    Thanks for reading and commenting!! No I don't think you were being creepy at all. Just honest (which we know is hard). So thank you.

    I just wanted to say yes I agree with what you said about being happy... But even though I think we all intellectually might know these things obviously we don't always do it or we wouldn't need to be having this conversation.

    But you're right I have to accept myself, flaws and all including the overthinking that I'll sometimes do... So I don't end up overthinking my overthinking. Hah.

    Thanks for sharing and maybe we'll meet again?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Money Diaries- Birthday party for a 4-year-old

-
Image
After 2.5 years of trying-to-conceive and being unsuccessful, our plan is to continue trying for the rest of this year and if nothing happens we are going to start looking into the process of adoption in 2025.  Because of all this, I've decided this year is going to be my YOLO (you only live once) year and one of the things I wanted to do was to go "all out" in throwing Kai a birthday party.  For this post, I'm making a money diaries for the birthday party. If you're not familiar with money diaries, it's basically people making a detailed description usually about how much they spent in one week. You can read them here. For the party I booked a venue that was basically a glorified McDonald's play area with some extra areas set up for kids to play doctor, go grocery shopping, run a restaurant and their own home kitchen. It came with a private room for 1 hour and 45 minutes.  The number of estimated people ended up being 13 kids (not including 5 babies) and ...
Read more

At the beginning- what I consider the starting point to finding my peace of mind

-
"I would have never guessed you had anxiety issues"  I didn't think I had anxiety issues either. But then I'd have these moments where I felt so overwhelmed, I had to stop what I was doing because my chest tightened, I felt dizzy, and just really wanted to run home and cry in my bed. It'd be over something small and simple too like designing my experiments or learning about a new experimental protocol. Pretty routine stuff for a graduate student in a research lab. I'd leave to take a break and after a half hour, I'd be fine. Sometimes. There was also the obsessing. Over really small things, like I forgot to make some point on a presentation, or... honestly I can't even remember anymore that's how dumb they were. And I always knew that it was a waste of time and that I was getting worked up over nothing... but the over thinking would still last for at least a day. I think we all do this to a certain extent, but for me it got to the point wh...
Read more

My "funks" or "depression" or... whatever you want to call it

-
I've been somewhat vague in my posts when I mention how I've been "struggling" with things . Now that I'm doing a lot better I feel like I'm ready to talk about what I meant by that. The past year I started having these mood swings. I think most people would generally agree that I'm a really happy person but looking back, even the ups felt out of my control. Like, I'd just get so excited I could hardly contain myself. Or I'd have to mentally remind myself multiple times to calm down and let it go. Like I couldn't stop myself from thinking about things that got me excited. Which doesn't sound like too big of a problem, I mean, as long as you're happy right? But it'd last for something like 3 days, where I'm just constantly running my mind over the same subject and even though I'd feel exhausted... I just couldn't stop thinking about it.  And usually after that would come the crash.  During these downs I'd ...
Read more