After 2.5 years of trying-to-conceive and being unsuccessful, our plan is to continue trying for the rest of this year and if nothing happens we are going to start looking into the process of adoption in 2025. Because of all this, I've decided this year is going to be my YOLO (you only live once) year and one of the things I wanted to do was to go "all out" in throwing Kai a birthday party. For this post, I'm making a money diaries for the birthday party. If you're not familiar with money diaries, it's basically people making a detailed description usually about how much they spent in one week. You can read them here. For the party I booked a venue that was basically a glorified McDonald's play area with some extra areas set up for kids to play doctor, go grocery shopping, run a restaurant and their own home kitchen. It came with a private room for 1 hour and 45 minutes. The number of estimated people ended up being 13 kids (not including 5 babies) and ...
"I would have never guessed you had anxiety issues" I didn't think I had anxiety issues either. But then I'd have these moments where I felt so overwhelmed, I had to stop what I was doing because my chest tightened, I felt dizzy, and just really wanted to run home and cry in my bed. It'd be over something small and simple too like designing my experiments or learning about a new experimental protocol. Pretty routine stuff for a graduate student in a research lab. I'd leave to take a break and after a half hour, I'd be fine. Sometimes. There was also the obsessing. Over really small things, like I forgot to make some point on a presentation, or... honestly I can't even remember anymore that's how dumb they were. And I always knew that it was a waste of time and that I was getting worked up over nothing... but the over thinking would still last for at least a day. I think we all do this to a certain extent, but for me it got to the point wh...
I've been somewhat vague in my posts when I mention how I've been "struggling" with things . Now that I'm doing a lot better I feel like I'm ready to talk about what I meant by that. The past year I started having these mood swings. I think most people would generally agree that I'm a really happy person but looking back, even the ups felt out of my control. Like, I'd just get so excited I could hardly contain myself. Or I'd have to mentally remind myself multiple times to calm down and let it go. Like I couldn't stop myself from thinking about things that got me excited. Which doesn't sound like too big of a problem, I mean, as long as you're happy right? But it'd last for something like 3 days, where I'm just constantly running my mind over the same subject and even though I'd feel exhausted... I just couldn't stop thinking about it. And usually after that would come the crash. During these downs I'd ...
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