Confessions of a happy person

I had my first experience with sleep paralysis this past weekend.  In summary, sleep paralysis happens when your body thinks your asleep but you're still awake. When your body thinks you're asleep, it relaxes so that you don't move while you're dreaming and hurt yourself. When people have sleep paralysis, they're awake but unable to move their body since it's "sleeping."  A lot of people have hallucinations during sleep paralysis which can also make it really frightening. The night it happened, I was having anxiety and trouble sleeping.  I was facing the wall in my room and all of a sudden I hear this noise like someone's filling up their water cup from a water cooler. Which freaks me out because I don't have a water cooler in my room! I don't turn around because I'm hoping it's just my imagination. But I get the sense that whatever it is, was just taking a water break. Like he's preparing to do something.  ...

That joke was kind of mean.  It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK If I bring this up, I'm going to make him feel bad.   It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK  He's going to think I'm trying to change him .  It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK We don't have similar senses of humor. It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK That's another thing we don't have in common. It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK If we don't have anything in common, this relationship isn't going to last. It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK He's not going to like me anymore.   It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK He's going to break up with me.   It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK I'm going to have another failed relationship. It's not a big deal, everything is going to be OK I...

I know I should be more proactive in following politics to be an informed citizen and vote. And I do believe it does make a difference. But if you don't have a passion for it, it gets overwhelming having to deal with all the rhetoric and let's be real, no one really has all the right answers... so I know I'm being complacent and there's so many other things going on that it's easy to not be thinking about it. I do want to be better though So I'm taking one step at a time I registered to vote online today (yay!) http://www.sos.ca.gov/elections/voter-registration  (for those of you who want to be better too! And live in California...) I figured that's good enough for now at least :)

I took the Pottermore sorting quiz and I got Hufflepuff :( Sometimes I get embarrassed that I write this blog. I really love research and being a grad student... but sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the work and stress. If things could always be worse, then when is it OK to complain? When I'm dead??? I think I'm a pretty average person, but sometimes I wonder if maybe it's just because I'm around people that are more awkward/weird/nerdy than I am. I worry that the way I see myself, isn't how other people see me. I don't think I'm worried about what other people think of me... I think I'm just worried about being totally wrong and not knowing it.  I know worrying never helps anyone. And telling me not to worry only makes me worry that you think I worry too much... which is probably true. But I don't want you thinking that. Don't tell me to be happy. I'm tired of pretending to be happy when I...

Family (for their safety and happiness) Strength (to have faith that it'll be alright) Patience (for myself and the journey) Peace (to live without judgement, anger, or fear) I pray for Family, Strength, Patience, Peace... Family, Strength, Patience, Peace... Family, Strength, Patience, Peace... Family, Strength, Patience, Peace... Family, Strength, Patience, Peace....

Definitely not posting as much anymore but still keeping up with the bi-weekly posts. Thanks for reading! -------------------------------------------- Back in high school, we had to read the ancient Greek play Oedipus. The story was about this guy Oedipus who kills his father and marries his mother without knowing that they were his parents. The reason he didn't know was because when he was still a baby, it was prophesied that this would happen, so the father trying to run away from this destiny left the baby on a mountainside to die. Of course, some couple finds him and raises him and then he grows up to do all those things.  Whenever I hear stories like this, I'm always left thinking... well what would've happened if the father didn't believe in the prophesy and raised his own son? Would Oedipus still have killed his father? Or did the father basically commit himself to his fate the minute he tried to kill his baby?  I don't think any of us believe ...

Maybe it's just me but it seems we have something controversial going on every other week. Whether it's a racist joke at the Oscar's, another white cop shooting a black kid, or Donald Trump running for President... tensions are running high and it seems like everywhere you look people are really angry on either side.  As usual, I've been thinking a lot about everything that's going on and I'm always hesitant to have an opinion... But it doesn't feel right not to say anything either.  And then I was thinking about what I had been through this past year and started thinking that perhaps our country is going through a growing pain much like the one I went through. Maybe I'm just being optimistic, but to me, Trump running for president just shows how desperate and how hard certain groups are fighting for the way America "used to be". Because they know that it's dying.  Metaphorically speaking... it's like how forest fires are ...