Acting as therapy and finding that the crazy in us is not so crazy
"Acting is not about being someone different. It's finding the similarity in what is apparently different, then finding myself in there." - Meryl Streep
I've been taking acting classes for over a year and from my experience (which isn't a lot but this is what I've been taught), acting is not about being a good liar and it's also not about pretending to be someone else.
Which means I'm left with just being genuine and being myself. And while it takes a lot of work to get over the fact that people are watching and being able to connect with your emotions on the spot, the end result is really liberating. Because then (for me anyway) "acting" just becomes this process of believing that the situation is real and then having the freedom of being myself in that situation.
This is the part that makes acting so therapeutic for me. Having the freedom of no right or wrong to just being me. I get to be myself/as my character, with real emotions and reactions to something that's "really happening". And I get to do all this without judgment or consequences! No voices in my head telling me, wow that was dumb, since it's just "pretend" anyway.
There's also this intense connection you get with your audience because they're seeing the situation unfold and feeling the emotions as it's happening. It's just this really deep understanding that I think people crave. Because we all just want to be seen as ourselves and not judged for it.
Of course, you have to make sure that you're responding in the way that your character is responding. And when my response doesn't line up with the characters' response, then I work on imagining the situation that my character is in. Overall, I feel like acting has made me an even more understanding person because being able to connect with different characters is ultimately "putting myself in someone else's shoes."
As an example, I'm using a scene from The Woolgatherer where I played the character, Rose. During the scene, she has this PTSD-like meltdown where she's back at the zoo with these birds that she saw get killed, even though really she's just in her room. In other words, I had to go crazy.
Normally, I wouldn't go crazy over some dead birds. So instead, I connected it to something that would make me go crazy. (This part gets a little graphic). I imagined that instead of dead birds, it was my family. In my daydream, I had come home and as I search each room looking for my family, I find them one by one and each of them shot dead (I have 5 family members). And in the last room, I find my sister, still breathing but barely. I try to help her but I couldn't do anything and I had to watch as she struggled with each breath until it slowly stopped.
Not only does that happen, but they weren't even given a proper burial. I couldn't save them and then someone dumped in the trash. "Like coffee grinds, and orange peels, and beer bottles and milk cartons". AND NO ONE GAVE A SHIT. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE???
If losing your loved ones like that doesn't make someone go crazy... I don't know what would. Only for my character it was birds instead of my family. But what if those birds were my family.
I think labeling someone "crazy" just means you can't relate to where they're coming from. So to you it seems crazy because you can't rationalize it for yourself. But from their perspective, they have their own reasons for why they're doing the things they're doing. Because as my character, I wasn't trying to be crazy. That's just the judgment and labels we put on them.
When I'm acting, I have to believe the situation is real. The pain, frustration, fear, and hurt is real. And we're all participating in the process of believing. While we're watching a movie, the characters, the danger, it all feels real.
Except it's not.
And that allows us to turn it all on and off like a light-switch.
But for the people suffering from mental illness, it's always real. The situation is real. The pain is real. The fear is real.
And there's no turning that off. There's only learning how to deal with it.
----------------------------------------------
Note: Today's post was all in context of my acting. In my "real" life, I did have this experience where the hurt and fear made me become a "different person". A "crazy person." But that's a story I'm not ready to tell just yet.
Here's a link to the studio that I've been going to: Actor's Studio of Orange County
Here's also a link to a short acting demo video where I read a scene audition style from Proof by David Auburn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr2RWqe8gk8
I've been taking acting classes for over a year and from my experience (which isn't a lot but this is what I've been taught), acting is not about being a good liar and it's also not about pretending to be someone else.
Which means I'm left with just being genuine and being myself. And while it takes a lot of work to get over the fact that people are watching and being able to connect with your emotions on the spot, the end result is really liberating. Because then (for me anyway) "acting" just becomes this process of believing that the situation is real and then having the freedom of being myself in that situation.
This is the part that makes acting so therapeutic for me. Having the freedom of no right or wrong to just being me. I get to be myself/as my character, with real emotions and reactions to something that's "really happening". And I get to do all this without judgment or consequences! No voices in my head telling me, wow that was dumb, since it's just "pretend" anyway.
There's also this intense connection you get with your audience because they're seeing the situation unfold and feeling the emotions as it's happening. It's just this really deep understanding that I think people crave. Because we all just want to be seen as ourselves and not judged for it.
Of course, you have to make sure that you're responding in the way that your character is responding. And when my response doesn't line up with the characters' response, then I work on imagining the situation that my character is in. Overall, I feel like acting has made me an even more understanding person because being able to connect with different characters is ultimately "putting myself in someone else's shoes."
As an example, I'm using a scene from The Woolgatherer where I played the character, Rose. During the scene, she has this PTSD-like meltdown where she's back at the zoo with these birds that she saw get killed, even though really she's just in her room. In other words, I had to go crazy.
Normally, I wouldn't go crazy over some dead birds. So instead, I connected it to something that would make me go crazy. (This part gets a little graphic). I imagined that instead of dead birds, it was my family. In my daydream, I had come home and as I search each room looking for my family, I find them one by one and each of them shot dead (I have 5 family members). And in the last room, I find my sister, still breathing but barely. I try to help her but I couldn't do anything and I had to watch as she struggled with each breath until it slowly stopped.
Not only does that happen, but they weren't even given a proper burial. I couldn't save them and then someone dumped in the trash. "Like coffee grinds, and orange peels, and beer bottles and milk cartons". AND NO ONE GAVE A SHIT. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE???
If losing your loved ones like that doesn't make someone go crazy... I don't know what would. Only for my character it was birds instead of my family. But what if those birds were my family.
I think labeling someone "crazy" just means you can't relate to where they're coming from. So to you it seems crazy because you can't rationalize it for yourself. But from their perspective, they have their own reasons for why they're doing the things they're doing. Because as my character, I wasn't trying to be crazy. That's just the judgment and labels we put on them.
When I'm acting, I have to believe the situation is real. The pain, frustration, fear, and hurt is real. And we're all participating in the process of believing. While we're watching a movie, the characters, the danger, it all feels real.
Except it's not.
And that allows us to turn it all on and off like a light-switch.
But for the people suffering from mental illness, it's always real. The situation is real. The pain is real. The fear is real.
And there's no turning that off. There's only learning how to deal with it.
----------------------------------------------
Note: Today's post was all in context of my acting. In my "real" life, I did have this experience where the hurt and fear made me become a "different person". A "crazy person." But that's a story I'm not ready to tell just yet.
Here's a link to the studio that I've been going to: Actor's Studio of Orange County
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