What does "having the discussion about mental illness" even mean?
Let's have a discussion on mental illness.
"We need to stop the stigma"
"We need to be more supportive"
"There are people that you know who are suffering from depression too"
.........?
I don't mean to downplay the efforts of mental illness advocates but personally I think these things are already pretty well established. And so there's no discussion because is anyone going to contradict those comments???
And while it's great when people or even celebrities suffering from mental illness come out and share their stories, it doesn't help with the fact that we all tend to treat it as a "it's them, not me" problem.
We think, oh it doesn't affect me so how can I even help?
And thus there's no discussion.
But if we start having an internal discussion, we'd realize "it" is affecting us every day and we just don't notice it until either we or someone we know has a breakdown. "It" causes us to judge people we don't know. "It" causes us to nit pick our looks. "It" causes us to get wasted so we don't have to deal with whatever "it" is.
"It" = The State of Our Mental Health. Or in other words, whatever makes us feel bad, or sad, or angry.
So we want to have this discussion about mental illness but is anyone thinking about being mentally "healthier"?
So I totally used to judge girls (no offense to my friends) that posted a ton of pictures of themselves on Facebook, always at a flattering angle, always with a ton of make-up.
Something like this:
They'd get like a hundred comments of "You're so gorgeous!!" or something to that effect.
And maybe some of you can totally relate and are thinking, yeah, it's soo annoying when girls do that.
But why does it matter? Why should I care? How does that even affect me?? (It doesn't)
Now I realize that my thoughts (ugh, they're just looking for attention, I hate it when girls "know" they're pretty...) weren't so much of a reflection on them as it was more of a reflection of my own insecurity (this was after having the discussion with myself bit). And these thoughts are not a healthy habit to indulge in but we all do it anyway.
Instead, to be mentally "healthier" I started to only focus on the things that I did like about my own looks. And eventually I even started liking the things I used to hate. Because I realized that whatever it is we don't like about ourselves, they're still unique qualities. And no one can ever have qualities exactly like us. The really cool thing too is that I started appreciating rather than judging everyone else's looks. This exercise doesn't just apply to looks by the way!
Normally, we rely on other people to supply this kind of positive reinforcement. We do things to try to get people's attention rather than appreciating ourselves for a job well done. But it's a risk because we end up feeling even worse about ourselves if/when people don't notice.
And it's never enough. We're constantly seeking validation and defining ourselves on other people's terms. It's not a terrible thing to want people to like us. But if we're not maintaining a sense of self worth we're going to feel crappy when people don't appreciate us the way we feel they should (it almost sounds a bit narcissistic doesn't it??)...
We should want people to like us but we also have to not care too much. It's constantly a delicate balancing act. Yin and Yang.
I still probably wouldn't post a picture like that (but you never know :P) and it could've just as easily gone in the other direction. Like, I must not be very attractive because no one ever compliments me like that, and maybe if I lost more weight people would like me better.... and that's probably how some girls with eating disorders started.
And you know, this applies just as much in the judging of morbidly obese people, except they eat to feel better.
So my challenge to everyone is to start having this "discussion" with ourselves first. Because then we'll start to see how we all are struggling with mental health and could just as easily be "that person who's dealing with a mental disorder/low self esteem/self-destructive behavior".
NONE of this is mind-blowing advice! But we all deal with it, some more than others. Because it's a hard thing to do, facing our inner demons. But once we recognize that we're all fighting our own battles then we can actually be supportive and start having a real discussion with each other.
"We need to stop the stigma"
"We need to be more supportive"
"There are people that you know who are suffering from depression too"
.........?
I don't mean to downplay the efforts of mental illness advocates but personally I think these things are already pretty well established. And so there's no discussion because is anyone going to contradict those comments???
And while it's great when people or even celebrities suffering from mental illness come out and share their stories, it doesn't help with the fact that we all tend to treat it as a "it's them, not me" problem.
We think, oh it doesn't affect me so how can I even help?
And thus there's no discussion.
But if we start having an internal discussion, we'd realize "it" is affecting us every day and we just don't notice it until either we or someone we know has a breakdown. "It" causes us to judge people we don't know. "It" causes us to nit pick our looks. "It" causes us to get wasted so we don't have to deal with whatever "it" is.
"It" = The State of Our Mental Health. Or in other words, whatever makes us feel bad, or sad, or angry.
So we want to have this discussion about mental illness but is anyone thinking about being mentally "healthier"?
What do I mean by mentally "healthier"?
So I totally used to judge girls (no offense to my friends) that posted a ton of pictures of themselves on Facebook, always at a flattering angle, always with a ton of make-up.
Something like this:
They'd get like a hundred comments of "You're so gorgeous!!" or something to that effect.
And maybe some of you can totally relate and are thinking, yeah, it's soo annoying when girls do that.
But why does it matter? Why should I care? How does that even affect me?? (It doesn't)
Now I realize that my thoughts (ugh, they're just looking for attention, I hate it when girls "know" they're pretty...) weren't so much of a reflection on them as it was more of a reflection of my own insecurity (this was after having the discussion with myself bit). And these thoughts are not a healthy habit to indulge in but we all do it anyway.
Instead, to be mentally "healthier" I started to only focus on the things that I did like about my own looks. And eventually I even started liking the things I used to hate. Because I realized that whatever it is we don't like about ourselves, they're still unique qualities. And no one can ever have qualities exactly like us. The really cool thing too is that I started appreciating rather than judging everyone else's looks. This exercise doesn't just apply to looks by the way!
Normally, we rely on other people to supply this kind of positive reinforcement. We do things to try to get people's attention rather than appreciating ourselves for a job well done. But it's a risk because we end up feeling even worse about ourselves if/when people don't notice.
And it's never enough. We're constantly seeking validation and defining ourselves on other people's terms. It's not a terrible thing to want people to like us. But if we're not maintaining a sense of self worth we're going to feel crappy when people don't appreciate us the way we feel they should (it almost sounds a bit narcissistic doesn't it??)...
We should want people to like us but we also have to not care too much. It's constantly a delicate balancing act. Yin and Yang.
I still probably wouldn't post a picture like that (but you never know :P) and it could've just as easily gone in the other direction. Like, I must not be very attractive because no one ever compliments me like that, and maybe if I lost more weight people would like me better.... and that's probably how some girls with eating disorders started.
And you know, this applies just as much in the judging of morbidly obese people, except they eat to feel better.
So my challenge to everyone is to start having this "discussion" with ourselves first. Because then we'll start to see how we all are struggling with mental health and could just as easily be "that person who's dealing with a mental disorder/low self esteem/self-destructive behavior".
NONE of this is mind-blowing advice! But we all deal with it, some more than others. Because it's a hard thing to do, facing our inner demons. But once we recognize that we're all fighting our own battles then we can actually be supportive and start having a real discussion with each other.
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I posted links to my friends' blog/podcasts (they're on the left). You should check them out!!!
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