Why is it so hard to talk about depression?

I think part of the reason that it's so hard to talk about our issues is because a lot of times we don't understand why we're even having them. And so it's hard to explain to your friends and family that you're struggling with these things because even if they're supportive and ask you, well why do you feel that way, or what can I do to help... you don't know what to tell them.

You can't logically explain it to yourself why you feel depressed. Which makes you feel even crazier and think that there's something wrong with you. "Something may not actually be fundamentally wrong, but you perceive it as so because the depression is tainting your thoughts down to your core."

I recently talked to a good friend of mine about this blog and I invited her to share any thoughts that she might have. I've copied and pasted the email she sent me with two of her journal entries. I thought it was really brave of her to share this and I went and highlighted the lines that I thought really illustrated the confusion of fighting something that you can't even comprehend. 
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Hey Honyin,

Thanks for giving me a platform to talk about this. While I feel like I am making a lot of gains for myself in therapy, I still have a difficult time sharing or even articulating these thoughts and feelings. So I thought the best type of input I could provide for now would be a snapshot of dealing with mental illness while in the thick of it (I think your title, Confessions of a Happy Person, also fits for me quite well). Do with these as you may...you don't have to publish either if they arent what you're looking for.

Both are entries from my current journal. The first is an excerpt from about 3 months before I started therapy, around when I decided that I needed to make seeing someone a priority. The second is a short set of song lyrics--it's on the first page of my journal and I feel like it encompasses those long, sleepless nights well.

Thanks for listening.

Names have been changed.

6/1/14, 5:18pm [Excerpt]
I am feeling empty. I think about dying a lot. Not necessarily a plan to do so, but just about dying in general. Not sure why. Too much self-loathing, perhaps. Still need to make a lot of progress on my self-esteem.

Yesterday, we went to Katherine's funeral. The poor girl committed suicide a few months ago. I didn't know her well, but I feel for where she was coming from. To be depressed and feel like you have nowhere to go is a sad and terrible thing. I've been to the point where I didn't know where to turn or how to get out. Maybe I was lucky, in the sense that I did get out. I feel bad that Katherine couldn't find her way, too. The poor girl, and her poor family.

I don't want to leave....
~Anonymous"


9/22/12, 3:30am
Fun., Some Nights Intro (lyrics)

There are some nights I hold on to every note I ever wrote
Some nights, I say "fuck it all" and stare at the calendar
Waiting for catastrophes, imagine when they scare me
Into changing whatever it is I am changing into...

And you have every right to be scared.

'Cause there are some nights I hold you close, pushing you to hold me
Or begging you to lock me up, never let me see the world
Some nights I live in horror of people on the radio
Tea parties and Twitter, I've never felt so bitter

(x2)
And you... why you wanna stay?
Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?
Lately, I've been going crazy....

There are some nights I wait for someone to save us
But I never look inward, try not to look upward
And some nights I pray a sign is gonna come to me,
But usually...
I'm just trying to get some sleep.

SOME NIGHTS!!


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