Getting reaquainted with my childhood friend, the piano (Yiruma- River Flows In You)

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Music used to be a really big part of my life.

While other kids were listening to Usher, Destiny's Child, and KC & Jojo I was listening to Mozart, Debussy, and Chopin.

I took piano lessons starting from when I was 5 and I quit when I was 16. It was very much a love/hate relationship because I did love playing/performing but I didn't want to put in the time to practice. I guess that's kind of normal with any kid though.

I can't remember exactly why I quit. I just remember it was a really frustrating time for me though because I wasn't as good as I wanted to be but I think that was mostly just pressure I was putting on myself. 

I've never considered myself a perfectionist but now I think it's more just that I won't openly admit it.

I guess how it started was I remember messing up at a Bach Festival when I was 15... somehow my left hand got one measure ahead of my right and this continued for maybe 8 counts and I had to literally pick up my left hand, wait for my right hand to catch up and continue. It was a small mistake, I don't think it was that noticeable (cuz Bach sounds kind of mechanical...) but it haunted me until I quit. I just kept making small mistakes in every performance after that, no matter how well I knew the piece.

Sometimes I'm disappointed in myself for quitting. I'm definitely thankful though for the time and money my parents put in to my music education. The drive to my piano teacher's house was at least half an hour each way and she was not cheap.

Maybe part of the reason it's hard to get back into stuff the longer you wait (like going back to school, reconnecting with friends) is not just because life happens but also there's a little bit of guilt.

Guilt from thinking about all the time you've lost since then. And how you're not where you could've/should've been.

But like they say, better late than never. 

It's crazy because even though I haven't really practiced this much in years and it's not even for anything, recording this was still difficult because I couldn't let go of the small mistakes I'm making (but you probably won't even notice). 

I had to remind myself that this is just for me and no one else. Anyway, I'm kind of proud of it and wanted to share. 

Thanks for watching. 


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