Therapy is not paying for someone to complain to

About a month ago, I wrote about how we could all work on being "mentally healthier." The problem with this is a lot of times we don't see how we're being "mentally unhealthy."

We definitely see it in other people though, and then we tend to get self-righteous and think, "oh if everyone worked on themselves as much as I do, the world would be a much better place".

Which is why I think everyone would benefit from going to therapy, even if it's just for a few sessions. Because for me, therapy was having an unbiased person who helped me see my "mentally unhealthy" behaviors which I feel has made me become a better person.

We don't usually think of therapy as a tool to become better people. We think of therapy as a place for people to talk about their problems, which is true. But what makes therapy really hard is that it forces us to address exactly why we are having these negative thoughts and actions which stem from our insecurities. And we have people like this in our lives, maybe a really good friend, family member or partner, but the difference is my therapist didn't give me any answers. Because a lot of the times we already know the answer and yet we still have trouble with doing the right thing. But therapy can help figure out why we're struggling.

And it's usually because of things we don't like to think about. Things in the past that hurt us and we know it's stupid (or maybe it's not), but-it's-in-the-past-and-I-don't-know-why-I-still-think-about-it.

I personally went to the school counseling center because I was tired of dealing with anxiety attacks, usually school related. I went for about six weeks and in the end, my therapist helped me realize that my anxiety was stemming from this image that I had about myself of not being academically successful enough.

Which, if you know me, you probably think is crazy. I mean, I'm working on my PhD in biology at UC Irvine, so yeah on paper, I'm sure I look great.

But to me, I still remember getting rejected by UCLA and Berkeley for undergrad. That I had to take biochemistry three times. How my grades were the bare minimum you need to get into a decent graduate program. How I was a mediocre student in the undergraduate lab I worked in. How that professor told me I needed to get into a top graduate program like M.I.T. if I wanted a career in academic research. And all the other times that I was just not good enough.

And this is just stuff that I feel OK about sharing now. If you're thinking boo-hoo, life is so hard for you (sarcasm), you're totally right. I mean I thought the same thing too yet it obviously bothered me enough to give me anxiety. Therapy helped me deal with it and I don't struggle with it anymore.

Now substitute it with your own issues that you don't tell other people. Honestly, therapy is hard and it's scary. And if you think you're OK and that you can work on it yourself, more power to you. But it's not complaining and there's nothing wrong with wanting help.