Dating and being the one that gets hurt Part 2

-
A few days ago I realized that I forgot the most important part of dealing with getting hurt.

It's something that I didn't realize I was struggling with all summer.

I had come to terms with the fact that:
  1. Yes, there are worse things than being single for the rest of my life (p.s. a lot of people seem horrified that I would think that would happen but trust me, it's one of the most freeing/best ideas I've ever had my entire life and requires it's own blog entry) 
  2. Yes, he probably didn't want to hurt me.
  3. Yes, life happens the way it's supposed to. 
But I left out what I think hurts the most.

Yes, I am lovable.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't know that I have people who love and care about me because I do know that. However, I still say I was struggling because I was constantly justifying to myself that I was even like-able... but you know, I just preferred being single (to be honest though, I do love how uncomplicated my life is right now!)

It's weird because I never really cared if someone didn't like me (even as a friend) or wasn't interested in me. Or maybe I just told myself that I didn't care...

I guess those two things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive though. Like you can not care if someone's not interested in you but you can still wonder if there's something wrong with you?

Whatever it was, I still repeatedly needed reminders that would protect and validate myself. But I realize now I don't need to prove anything to myself, because that's not what love is about.

I don't care how weird, annoying, silly, dumb, immature, boring, whatever, someone says/you think you are.

You are still lovable.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Money Diaries- Birthday party for a 4-year-old

-
Image
After 2.5 years of trying-to-conceive and being unsuccessful, our plan is to continue trying for the rest of this year and if nothing happens we are going to start looking into the process of adoption in 2025.  Because of all this, I've decided this year is going to be my YOLO (you only live once) year and one of the things I wanted to do was to go "all out" in throwing Kai a birthday party.  For this post, I'm making a money diaries for the birthday party. If you're not familiar with money diaries, it's basically people making a detailed description usually about how much they spent in one week. You can read them here. For the party I booked a venue that was basically a glorified McDonald's play area with some extra areas set up for kids to play doctor, go grocery shopping, run a restaurant and their own home kitchen. It came with a private room for 1 hour and 45 minutes.  The number of estimated people ended up being 13 kids (not including 5 babies) and ...
Read more

At the beginning- what I consider the starting point to finding my peace of mind

-
"I would have never guessed you had anxiety issues"  I didn't think I had anxiety issues either. But then I'd have these moments where I felt so overwhelmed, I had to stop what I was doing because my chest tightened, I felt dizzy, and just really wanted to run home and cry in my bed. It'd be over something small and simple too like designing my experiments or learning about a new experimental protocol. Pretty routine stuff for a graduate student in a research lab. I'd leave to take a break and after a half hour, I'd be fine. Sometimes. There was also the obsessing. Over really small things, like I forgot to make some point on a presentation, or... honestly I can't even remember anymore that's how dumb they were. And I always knew that it was a waste of time and that I was getting worked up over nothing... but the over thinking would still last for at least a day. I think we all do this to a certain extent, but for me it got to the point wh...
Read more

My "funks" or "depression" or... whatever you want to call it

-
I've been somewhat vague in my posts when I mention how I've been "struggling" with things . Now that I'm doing a lot better I feel like I'm ready to talk about what I meant by that. The past year I started having these mood swings. I think most people would generally agree that I'm a really happy person but looking back, even the ups felt out of my control. Like, I'd just get so excited I could hardly contain myself. Or I'd have to mentally remind myself multiple times to calm down and let it go. Like I couldn't stop myself from thinking about things that got me excited. Which doesn't sound like too big of a problem, I mean, as long as you're happy right? But it'd last for something like 3 days, where I'm just constantly running my mind over the same subject and even though I'd feel exhausted... I just couldn't stop thinking about it.  And usually after that would come the crash.  During these downs I'd ...
Read more