Month 20 of trying for a second baby

Period started this morning.

This month was my “break” from trying to conceive (TTC) but of course I could still tell when I was ovulating because of my body signals so we still timed everything correctly. The only real difference was that I drank coffee every day without caring.

We saw a fertility specialist in May and all the tests look fine with both me and Brian. The only thing was my thyroid levels were not optimal so I've been on Synthroid for about 3 months now. 

I’m taking today much better than I expected, I was actually kind of dreading getting my period and wasn’t sure how I was going to deal. Last month I was pretty depressed for a couple of days and the stress of TTC from the previous two months were definitely starting to take a toll on me. I thought it was my hour-long commute that was causing all the tension in my shoulders and neck but that turned out not to be the case. As soon as I decided to take a break I could feel the tension start to relax.

I had picked up a prescription of Letrozole last month and was planning on taking it before I decided to take this “break.” I think I’m going to just go for it this month and see how I feel.

We started officially trying January 2022. I wasn’t quite able to track my ovulation like I was able to when we had Kai, which only took 4 months, so I started using the ovulation strips. I was still breastfeeding Kai at the time and then I weaned him in May 2022. I got sick of peeing in a cup every day pretty quickly but continued until I did enough cycles to get a refund (they had a money-back-guarantee) for all the pee strips which was around March or April 2023. Now I just know other signals my body has for when I’m ovulating and no longer use the strips.

I think it only started hitting me hard in the last few months that we haven’t gotten pregnant yet. This time last year I was interviewing for jobs and started a new job in January 2023 so I was fine with not being pregnant. Nowadays I am grieving the loss of the life that I had wanted with a smaller age gap as Kai gets older and coming to terms with even maybe only having one biological kid. Brian and I don't plan on pursuing IVF or IUIs. I am so thankful for Kai that he makes this 1000 times easier.