Fantasy football with my college friends
So most of us don’t even really follow football but my friends decided to start up a fantasy football game (? I'm not even sure what they're called) anyway. It’s actually pretty fun even though I don’t know what all the points mean.
What we look forward to the most however, is the predictions that one of my friends makes each week and they’re just too funny not to share, even if you don't know football.
This week's predictions include Taylor Swift, crazy ex-girlfriends, and a mini-rap. Plus there's a lot of sh*t-talking 'cuz that's just how it goes.
Welcome to The Week 5 Smack Board
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): WEEK 4 RECAP: 3-5. OVERALL: 4-12. WOW. BAD, IT’S LIKE THE 2000 RAIDERS TEAMS LOL. BUT JUST LIKE THE RAIDERS, IMPROVING. MAYBE IT’S KARMA FOR TRASH TALKING EVERYONE. FINE, I DESERVE IT. SO THIS WEEK I’M GOING TO GIVE A POSITIVE SPIN TO EACH PREDICTION
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): LAST WEEK’S STUD AKA “MATT DAMON ON MARS”: BAJA HA’S. I’M SPEECHLESS.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): LAST WEEK’S DUD AKA “MATT DAMON IN INTERSTELLAR”: TEAM YAN. 22 POINTS…REALLY? YOUR ENTIRE TEAM GOT OUTSCORED BY DAVONTA FREEMAN, ALMOST THE LION’S D/ST, CHRIS IVORY, AND JEREMY HILL. AND I PICKED YOU. FOR SHAME.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:47 PM): ONTO WEEK 5 WHERE IT’S TIME TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT WEEK AND THE BEST TEAM WINS. ESPECIALLY LAST PLACE TEAMS LIKE MINE. AND FUN FACT. TEAM CAMI AND TEAM SETO HAVE BOTH SCORED 309 POINTS. ONE TEAM IS FIRST, ONE TEAM IS LAST. I’M NOT BITTER, I’M JUST SAYING.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:55 PM):
---------------------FLAMING HOT PREDICTIONS, WEEK 5----------------
David Seto (Oct 8 6:55 PM): IN THE BATTLE OF THE WORST OF THE BEST COAST, TEAM FLAMING HOT TAKES ON TEAM PRETTY BOYS. LET’S PUT ASIDE THE FACT THAT TEAM FLAMING HOT IS 51 POINT PROJECTED FAVORITES, IF I DON’T WIN THIS WEEK, I QUIT. COME AT ME, KARMA. <TO THE TUNE OF DRAKE’S HOTLINE BLING: YOU ONLY PLAY TEAM PRETTY BOYS / ONLY WHEN YOU NEEEEED A WINNNN / AND I KNOW AFTER THIS WEEK / I’LL BE TWOOOOOO ANDDD THREEEEE : PREDICTION TEAM SETO PLEASE GOD PLEASE.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:02 PM): ZHANG VS PRINCESS IN MY MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. BOTH COMING OFF IMPRESSIVE VICTORIES, AND TEAM ZHANG WITH THE #1 RUNNING BACK IN FANTASY FOOTBALL, I JUST DON’T KNOW. HOW DID ANGELA FIELD SUCH A SOLID TEAM? LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS? SOMETIMES LIFE JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. OH YEAH, F*** THE RAIDERS. PREDICTION: TEAM PRINCESS
David Seto (Oct 8 7:06 PM): TEAM JELLIES VS TEAM CAO. TYROD TAYLOR IS LIKE THAT CRAZY GIRLFIELD YOU HAD IN HIGH SCHOOL AND FORGOT ABOUT BUT STILL DRIVES BY YOUR HOUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN AND STARES AT YOU IN YOUR BEDROOM WITH A SECRET SHRINE IN HER CLOSET. YOU JUST LITERALLY KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT UNTIL SHE GOES NUTS. MEANWHILE TOM BRADY IS LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET, WHICH IS SUPER CATCHY, ROCK OUT SHAMELESSLY, WHERE YOU BUY TICKETS FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU SECRETLY JUST WANTED TO GO YOURSELF BUT COULDN’T ADMIT IT. I THINK TEAM JELLIES TAKES IT, BUT YOU CAN’T SAY NO TO TAYLOR SWIFT. IT’S A LOVE STORY, BABY. PREDICTION: TEAM CAO.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:11 PM): TEAM YAN VS TEAM D$: FRESH OFF AN INSPIRING 22 POINT WEEK, AND NOW WITH HER BEST PLAYER ON BYE AND HER QUARTERBACK (YOU LITERALLY HAVE LIKE 1.5 HOURS TO SWAP HIM OUT…) OUT, THIS IS MY LOCK OF THE WEEK. ON THE FLIP SIDE, TEAM YAN HAS REALLY NICE HAIR. TRY NOT TO GET IT TOO DIRTY WHEN TEAM D$ STEAMROLLS YOU. PREDICTION: TEAM D$ IN THE BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:24 PM): TEAM AUTO DRAFT VS SUYAT IN WHAT WILL LIKELY BE THE MOST HIGH SCORING MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. IT’S TIME TO RAISE YOUR BORTLES AS TEAM AUTO DRAFT GOES UP AGAINST DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK KING RODGERS. IT TAKES A LOT OF GUTS TO START A DEFENSE THAT’S GOING AGAINST YOUR STARTING QB, BUT IT TAKES EVEN MORE GUTS TO START BLAKE FREAKING BORTLES. YOU KNOW WHAT, SHAME ON YOU TEAM AUTO DRAFT. PREDICTION: TEAM SUYAT.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:28 PM): TEAM BAJA HA VS TEAM BREES KNEES. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THAT FATHER WHO SAYS HIS KID IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND IS DISAPPOINTING HIS FAMILY. AND TEAM BAJA HA’S IS MY SON. BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, YOU’RE PROUD. DAMN PROUD. TEAM BREES KNEES, GOD BLESS THEM, TAKING DOWN THAT COCKY TEAM FLAMING HOT LAST WEEK, DID GOOD. YA DID GOOD, TEAM BREES. BUT I CANNOT DENY IT ANYMORE. THIS IS THE WEEK I PICK THE BAJA HA’S. I’M PROUD OF YOU SON. DON’T LET ME DOWN. ALSO, TEAM BREES KNEES ENTIRE TEAM IS ON BYE. THERE’ S THAT TOO. PREDICTION: TEAM BAJA HA’S.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:35 PM): UNDEFEATED JUGGERNAUT TEAM CAMI TAKES ON TEAM CHIU. EVERY WEEK WE WATCH RUSSELL WILSON RUN AROUND AND WORK HIS MAGIC, AND THEN JON GRUDEN GOES “THAT’S A RUSSELL WILSON PLAY, AL. THAT GUY PLAYS LIKE RUSSELL WILSON.” AND THEN AL GOES “THAT IS RUSSELL WILSON, JON…” AND GRUDEN GOES, “EXACTLY, AL. EXACTLY.” THAT’S THE KIND OF TEAM THAT TEAM CHIU IS. A RUSSELL WILSON KIND OF TEAM. AND I KNOW I SAID TEAM CAMI IS GOING 16-0, BUT RUSSELL WILSON. AND I ALSO DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD START A TIGHT END AS A FLEX. TEAM CAMI TAKING THE “BATTLE OF THE TIGHT ENDS” TO HEART. BUT THE DREAM ENDS HERE. PREDICTION: RUSSELL WILSON.
David Seto (Oct 10 8:20 PM): IT SEEMS LIKE I FORGOT TEAM FRIES VS TEAM AMANDA. EVEN THOUGH TY HILTON GOT OFF TO A GOOD START FOR TEAM AMANDA, I FORSEE A DIFFICULT MATCHUP BECAUSE OF JEFF’S TENDENCIES TO NOT REPLACE PLAYERS WHO ARE ACUTALLY NOT PLAYING FOR HIM. COULD HAVE FEASIBLY DEFEATED TEAM CAMI LAST WEEK, BUT HEY, JEFF’S THE KIND OF GUY THAT APPRECIATES A GOOD CHALLENGE. WHO NEEDS A FULL TEAM WHEN YOU HAVE…SCIENCE? UNFORTUNATELY, IT DOOMED HIM LAST WEEK, AND MAY DOOM HIM AGAIN. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, “FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME, CAN’T PUT THE BLAME ON YOU, FOOL ME THREE TIMES, FUCK THE PEACE SIGNS” – J. COLE. PREDICTION: TEAM FRIES.
What we look forward to the most however, is the predictions that one of my friends makes each week and they’re just too funny not to share, even if you don't know football.
This week's predictions include Taylor Swift, crazy ex-girlfriends, and a mini-rap. Plus there's a lot of sh*t-talking 'cuz that's just how it goes.
Welcome to The Week 5 Smack Board
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): WEEK 4 RECAP: 3-5. OVERALL: 4-12. WOW. BAD, IT’S LIKE THE 2000 RAIDERS TEAMS LOL. BUT JUST LIKE THE RAIDERS, IMPROVING. MAYBE IT’S KARMA FOR TRASH TALKING EVERYONE. FINE, I DESERVE IT. SO THIS WEEK I’M GOING TO GIVE A POSITIVE SPIN TO EACH PREDICTION
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): LAST WEEK’S STUD AKA “MATT DAMON ON MARS”: BAJA HA’S. I’M SPEECHLESS.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:44 PM): LAST WEEK’S DUD AKA “MATT DAMON IN INTERSTELLAR”: TEAM YAN. 22 POINTS…REALLY? YOUR ENTIRE TEAM GOT OUTSCORED BY DAVONTA FREEMAN, ALMOST THE LION’S D/ST, CHRIS IVORY, AND JEREMY HILL. AND I PICKED YOU. FOR SHAME.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:47 PM): ONTO WEEK 5 WHERE IT’S TIME TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT WEEK AND THE BEST TEAM WINS. ESPECIALLY LAST PLACE TEAMS LIKE MINE. AND FUN FACT. TEAM CAMI AND TEAM SETO HAVE BOTH SCORED 309 POINTS. ONE TEAM IS FIRST, ONE TEAM IS LAST. I’M NOT BITTER, I’M JUST SAYING.
David Seto (Oct 8 6:55 PM):
---------------------FLAMING HOT PREDICTIONS, WEEK 5----------------
David Seto (Oct 8 6:55 PM): IN THE BATTLE OF THE WORST OF THE BEST COAST, TEAM FLAMING HOT TAKES ON TEAM PRETTY BOYS. LET’S PUT ASIDE THE FACT THAT TEAM FLAMING HOT IS 51 POINT PROJECTED FAVORITES, IF I DON’T WIN THIS WEEK, I QUIT. COME AT ME, KARMA. <TO THE TUNE OF DRAKE’S HOTLINE BLING: YOU ONLY PLAY TEAM PRETTY BOYS / ONLY WHEN YOU NEEEEED A WINNNN / AND I KNOW AFTER THIS WEEK / I’LL BE TWOOOOOO ANDDD THREEEEE : PREDICTION TEAM SETO PLEASE GOD PLEASE.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:02 PM): ZHANG VS PRINCESS IN MY MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. BOTH COMING OFF IMPRESSIVE VICTORIES, AND TEAM ZHANG WITH THE #1 RUNNING BACK IN FANTASY FOOTBALL, I JUST DON’T KNOW. HOW DID ANGELA FIELD SUCH A SOLID TEAM? LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS? SOMETIMES LIFE JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. OH YEAH, F*** THE RAIDERS. PREDICTION: TEAM PRINCESS
David Seto (Oct 8 7:06 PM): TEAM JELLIES VS TEAM CAO. TYROD TAYLOR IS LIKE THAT CRAZY GIRLFIELD YOU HAD IN HIGH SCHOOL AND FORGOT ABOUT BUT STILL DRIVES BY YOUR HOUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN AND STARES AT YOU IN YOUR BEDROOM WITH A SECRET SHRINE IN HER CLOSET. YOU JUST LITERALLY KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT UNTIL SHE GOES NUTS. MEANWHILE TOM BRADY IS LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET, WHICH IS SUPER CATCHY, ROCK OUT SHAMELESSLY, WHERE YOU BUY TICKETS FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU SECRETLY JUST WANTED TO GO YOURSELF BUT COULDN’T ADMIT IT. I THINK TEAM JELLIES TAKES IT, BUT YOU CAN’T SAY NO TO TAYLOR SWIFT. IT’S A LOVE STORY, BABY. PREDICTION: TEAM CAO.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:11 PM): TEAM YAN VS TEAM D$: FRESH OFF AN INSPIRING 22 POINT WEEK, AND NOW WITH HER BEST PLAYER ON BYE AND HER QUARTERBACK (YOU LITERALLY HAVE LIKE 1.5 HOURS TO SWAP HIM OUT…) OUT, THIS IS MY LOCK OF THE WEEK. ON THE FLIP SIDE, TEAM YAN HAS REALLY NICE HAIR. TRY NOT TO GET IT TOO DIRTY WHEN TEAM D$ STEAMROLLS YOU. PREDICTION: TEAM D$ IN THE BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:24 PM): TEAM AUTO DRAFT VS SUYAT IN WHAT WILL LIKELY BE THE MOST HIGH SCORING MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. IT’S TIME TO RAISE YOUR BORTLES AS TEAM AUTO DRAFT GOES UP AGAINST DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK KING RODGERS. IT TAKES A LOT OF GUTS TO START A DEFENSE THAT’S GOING AGAINST YOUR STARTING QB, BUT IT TAKES EVEN MORE GUTS TO START BLAKE FREAKING BORTLES. YOU KNOW WHAT, SHAME ON YOU TEAM AUTO DRAFT. PREDICTION: TEAM SUYAT.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:28 PM): TEAM BAJA HA VS TEAM BREES KNEES. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THAT FATHER WHO SAYS HIS KID IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND IS DISAPPOINTING HIS FAMILY. AND TEAM BAJA HA’S IS MY SON. BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, YOU’RE PROUD. DAMN PROUD. TEAM BREES KNEES, GOD BLESS THEM, TAKING DOWN THAT COCKY TEAM FLAMING HOT LAST WEEK, DID GOOD. YA DID GOOD, TEAM BREES. BUT I CANNOT DENY IT ANYMORE. THIS IS THE WEEK I PICK THE BAJA HA’S. I’M PROUD OF YOU SON. DON’T LET ME DOWN. ALSO, TEAM BREES KNEES ENTIRE TEAM IS ON BYE. THERE’ S THAT TOO. PREDICTION: TEAM BAJA HA’S.
David Seto (Oct 8 7:35 PM): UNDEFEATED JUGGERNAUT TEAM CAMI TAKES ON TEAM CHIU. EVERY WEEK WE WATCH RUSSELL WILSON RUN AROUND AND WORK HIS MAGIC, AND THEN JON GRUDEN GOES “THAT’S A RUSSELL WILSON PLAY, AL. THAT GUY PLAYS LIKE RUSSELL WILSON.” AND THEN AL GOES “THAT IS RUSSELL WILSON, JON…” AND GRUDEN GOES, “EXACTLY, AL. EXACTLY.” THAT’S THE KIND OF TEAM THAT TEAM CHIU IS. A RUSSELL WILSON KIND OF TEAM. AND I KNOW I SAID TEAM CAMI IS GOING 16-0, BUT RUSSELL WILSON. AND I ALSO DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD START A TIGHT END AS A FLEX. TEAM CAMI TAKING THE “BATTLE OF THE TIGHT ENDS” TO HEART. BUT THE DREAM ENDS HERE. PREDICTION: RUSSELL WILSON.
David Seto (Oct 10 8:20 PM): IT SEEMS LIKE I FORGOT TEAM FRIES VS TEAM AMANDA. EVEN THOUGH TY HILTON GOT OFF TO A GOOD START FOR TEAM AMANDA, I FORSEE A DIFFICULT MATCHUP BECAUSE OF JEFF’S TENDENCIES TO NOT REPLACE PLAYERS WHO ARE ACUTALLY NOT PLAYING FOR HIM. COULD HAVE FEASIBLY DEFEATED TEAM CAMI LAST WEEK, BUT HEY, JEFF’S THE KIND OF GUY THAT APPRECIATES A GOOD CHALLENGE. WHO NEEDS A FULL TEAM WHEN YOU HAVE…SCIENCE? UNFORTUNATELY, IT DOOMED HIM LAST WEEK, AND MAY DOOM HIM AGAIN. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, “FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME, CAN’T PUT THE BLAME ON YOU, FOOL ME THREE TIMES, FUCK THE PEACE SIGNS” – J. COLE. PREDICTION: TEAM FRIES.
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