2020 reflection

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2020 is going to be a landmark year in history, so I thought I'd write a small reflection. 

With COVID-19 changing literally everything, I do feel that I am one of the rare lucky people who has thrived during these times. When Washington went into lock down, I was already over 7 months pregnant. Brian and I were both very fortunate to be able to work for home, so we got to spend a lot of quality time together as a couple. And of course once the baby was born, the extra time that we've had to bond as a new family has been so priceless. 

As someone who has struggled with anxiety and depressive thoughts before though, I do not take it for granted that I can feel still feel happy and hopeful during times like these. In the back of my mind I'm always worried that I might relapse and have postpartum depression or I won’t be able to handle my anxieties in the future. And I've definitely had a couple of episodes during this last year. 

Overall though, I am thankful that I have been able to be fully present and appreciate all the good things that are happening in my life. Because I know what it feels like to not be able to be in that headspace, despite how hard I try. So I am also grateful that one of the few silver linings of 2020 has been the conversations around mental health. 

Lastly, I wanted to use this space to thank all the healthcare workers, mail workers, scientists, and anyone that has been working extra hard and stretched thin by this year. 

With that, I am hopeful for the things to come in 2021 and as always thanks for reading. 

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Not sure if people still do New Year's resolutions anymore, but here are some of mine:

  1. Something I've already been working on this past year and want to continue working on is to (A) ask for help when I need it (especially with Brian) and (B) to accept help even when I don't need it. I have to remind myself that letting people help me doesn't have to mean that I can't do it myself, but that helping me brings people joy as well 
  2. Journal every day 
  3. This one isn't really a resolution but it's another project that I'm starting: producing a sports podcast featuring Brian and his sister Justine. They already talk about sports all the time, I'm just basically forcing them to record it. I also think they have a great brother/sister dynamic that is interesting and unique. It's just something I've been wanting to try out and I'm giving myself permission for it to not go anywhere so we'll see what happens. It's going to be called PB&J Sports (Podcast with Brian & Justine) so stay tuned.

Kai is 7 months old! 😱


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